She’d repair broken wings to help others fly higher,
Be great when she sings, but a terrible liar. She’d go to loud parties and stay up way too late, Quickly say sorry, be proud of her weight. She’d answer the phone for someone in need, Cross oceans alone for what she believed. She’d know all the answers to life’s hardest questions, Her faith wouldn’t waver for more than a second. But I am skin and bone, (Though the mirrors all betray me) And you must wish you’d known The girl I used to be. Would your family love her more? Could she give you what you deserve? These doubts have made me sure Your soulmate should have been her. You’d find comfort in how her faith made her brave, And relishing now in the strength that she gave. Your heart would be full from her pious devotion, You’d be spared from the pull of my raw emotions. And she’d never get too tired to laugh, You wouldn’t be met with the ghosts of her past. She’d still believe that prayer and faith work, And you wouldn’t see her depression get worse. Around the edges I’m rough. Would you look away from me If you had fallen in love With the girl I used to be? Would you really love her more? Is she who you deserve? My inner demons made sure You’d be better off with her. Only one thing she’d lack that I never will: Without knives in her back or bottles of pills, She’d take you for granted and ask you to change, Her ideals would be slanted, her love would be plain. She’d be there for you on wild, stormy nights, And help you get through if you lost your sight, But quickly get bored if dark skies retreated, And you’d be ignored, for she needs to be needed. Now I have walked through hell, And I have drowned in the sea, So I guess it’s just as well I’m not the girl I used to be. I've cherished this romance And now love tenderly, So maybe you do have a chance Of happiness with me.
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Matthew Perry's Chandler Bing came into my life during a period of great darkness. I needed something...anything to distract me from how hopeless I felt. So I started watching Friends. Everyone talked about it, and I wondered what all the fuss was about. It only took a few episodes for Chandler to become my forever favorite of the Friends. Yes, he's hilarious, but it was his self-effacing charm that drew me in. I identified with his anxiety and low self worth. I found hope in this character who, throughout the ten seasons, slowly became the best version of himself. His struggles were still there, of course, but he learned to live with them in a way that made him kind, empathetic, and loyal. If you've read Matthew Perry's autobiography, Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing, you'll notice that Chandler's traits closely resemble Matthew's. In fact, he mentions in his book how much he identified with the character he was portraying: When I read the script for [Friends] it was as if someone had followed me around for a year, stealing my jokes, copying my mannerisms, photocopying my world-weary yet witty view of life. One character in particular stood out to me: it wasn't that I thought I could play "Chandler," I was Chandler. Matthew Perry Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing Despite Matthew's overwhelming battle with the disease of addiction, he remained unfailingly faithful to Friends, coming to work and performing even on days when his pain was unbearable. He says in his book that "Friends had been a safe place, a touchstone of calm for me; it had given me a reason to get out of bed every morning." We get what Matthew's talking about, don't we? There's something so nostalgic about Friends, like a childhood blanket that's worn and out of touch with the times yet comforting nonetheless. Monica's apartment is a haven where we can admit we're terrible at adulting, our love lives are messy, our jobs suck. It's a place where we're safe to be ourselves, where we find shared comfort in these common experiences. I cried at the end of Friends. I cried while reading Matthew's book. As a writer myself, I sat in awe of his ability to smear the pages with emotional weight: tears and laughter, anger and compassion, chaos and calm. To us Matthew was bright, witty, and charming. But behind closed doors he suffered more than we ever imagined. These strangers that we love are candles lighting our way as we pursue our dreams, flickering with warmth on the nights we just can't go on. They bring us comfort when we finish work so exhausted that we just eat ramen and watch TV. So when a candle as bright and warm as Matthew Perry gets snuffed out before its time, it's natural for us to feel a little lost. Watch Friends. Read Matthew's book. Celebrate his life and cry over his death, because he deserves it. This man was a real-life legend. The one thing I got right was that I never gave up, I never raised my hands and said, "That's enough, I can't take it anymore, you win." And because of that, I stand tall now, ready for whatever comes next. Matthew Perry Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing I need you like the flowers need rain--
Through today they can sustain, But without water at their roots, They have no strength to grow new shoots. I need you like the vines need beams-- They wander and they grow with ease; But without the support of something sound, Their leaves lay tangled on the ground. I need you like a bird needs sky-- It can flit around, just not too high; For without the space above the leaves, It only lives among the trees. I need you like this poem needs song-- The words have meaning and belong; But they’ll be lonesome without remedy ’Til reunited with your melody. I used to be really nice.
Being nice attracted others. They’d say, “She’s easy to get along with and never causes offense wherever she goes.” Being nice opened me up to endless polite interactions with little depth, and I felt embarrassed when I took up space. Being nice made me feel small. Being nice kept me unaware of my needs, because inconveniencing others was rude. People could count on me to prioritize their problems over my own. Being nice didn’t allow me to stand up for myself when I was being mistreated. It forced all my emotions down until I choked on them. Being nice made me ill. I used to be really nice, but it turns out being nice doesn't get you very far after all. I wish there was a purpose
For all the pain that I feel-- I wish there was a reason I just can’t seem to heal. I’m fairly certain I’ve tried every method To shed this infirmity And reach where I’m headed. Instead of getting better, (Which was my greatest hope) It seems my life’s ambition Is to find a way to cope: To swallow people’s judgments And live within my limits, To have no one understand How much this disease inhibits. To drown daily in the torment Of my body breaking down Yet keep up with all my duties For society still to frown. If they can’t see our sickness Or haven’t heard of our condition They purse their lips and click their tongues And become our fake clinicians. To our healthy, caring friends We extend this invitation: Just ask us how we’re doing-- Don’t give recommendations. Turn off your fix-it mode, Wake up from the delusion: And realize there are problems That just have no solution. Why Gens Y and Z are choosing progress over tradition Who We Are There's one thing you need to understand about Millennials and Gen Zers: When we ask "Why?" we never want to hear: "Because that's the way we've always done it." We'll push back. We'll look for flaws. We'll try to find a better way. Because our greatest strength is disrupting the status quo for the sake of progress, and we're proud of that. We act no different inside churches. When a Millennial or Gen Zer raises a question about a belief or practice, the church leadership should consider it an exciting opportunity to re-evaluate and open up a friendly dialogue. Unfortunately, too often these questions make church leaders feel threatened. And when they respond to us by criticizing, shaming, or dismissing our genuine concerns too many times, we'll peace out. Whether you're a church lover, a church hater, or somewhere in between, it's possible you've noticed a peculiar pattern: Often those who were the most dedicated to their religion seemed to throw it out the window overnight. (I'll let you in on a secret—It didn't happen overnight.) It might appear as if we zealous Jesus followers were faking it all along, and now we're showing our true colors by leaving our churches. But that's not the case at all. For the most dedicated among us, Jesus' core values sat deep in the center of our beings. The inconsistencies between speech and practice in our churches were precisely why we had to move on--Because it seemed that somewhere between the platform and the lobby, our church leaders got amnesia. Why We Left While I certainly have been deeply wounded by individuals in specific churches, the following points are regarding my denominational background as a whole system. I am purposefully not singling out one particular church or church leader. I know that not every Christian and not every church is this way, and I’m glad. But I do believe it is possible for a denomination to become so buried under layers of generational tradition that it no longer reflects the deity it is trying to elevate. So here are a few reasons many of us from the younger generations have left our churches: Somewhere between the platform and the lobby, our church leaders got amnesia. 1. Beliefs about suffering Whether it’s the suffering of an individual or the entire world, we saw in our churches much more of an effort to explain pain than to alleviate it. These churches spent hours studying and preaching the theology of suffering, used large portions of their budget to send kids on mission trips to "foreign" countries, and proselytized their neighbors. But they often neglected the physical needs of poor, sick, and dying people living in their own back yards. If a church spends more time explaining why God allows suffering than helping meet the physical needs those who are suffering, then it is missing what Jesus was all about. 2. Beliefs about women Rarely (if ever) did we hear women's voices allowed in major church decisions. We learned all the corresponding "biblical" arguments, but the bottom line was that our churches upheld men as more capable of leadership roles. Such a derogatory view of women can lead men in leadership to be dismissive of women’s ideas and concerns and, in some cases, to cover up abuse. If a church does not invite women to the table to be equal partners with men in using their gifts (yes, ALL their gifts), then it is missing what Jesus was all about. A denomination can become so buried under layers of generational tradition that it no longer reflects the deity it is trying to elevate. 3. Beliefs about “sin” In many church individuals we saw gentle compassion and love. (Thank you.) But sadly, people who weren't polished enough to be "churchy" still stuck out like a sore thumb on Sunday mornings, because many church leaders refused to question their beliefs and open themselves up to change. Yet Jesus’ main teaching tactic was to ask provocative questions that left the religious leaders of his day horrified. His intention was to breed doubt in their minds about their theology and practices. If we're so sure we're right, why is the thought of questioning our core beliefs so threatening? If a church preaches against wonderful people who are gay while allowing abusers to sit in its pews, or if it’s more focused on getting its worship “right” than trying to be a place that is welcoming to all, or if its entire leadership team has no diversity, then it is missing what Jesus was all about. 4. Beliefs about science and psychology When church leaders value tradition over progress, they birth angry and/or fearful followers who have lost sight of what’s important. New scientific data emerges. But instead of being excited, they view it as a threat to the authority of the Bible. Maybe we don’t understand God as well as we think we do. What if all we know of the Divine is a shimmering sliver of light, and each time science or psychology makes a discovery, it brings us closer to knowing this God? If a church is more focused on refuting evolution than celebrating new ways to understand and enjoy the world, then it is missing what Jesus was all about. 5. Beliefs about politics and social justice It's no coincidence that for me this journey took place on the heels of the George Floyd incident and plummeted to greater depths after the insurrection at the Capitol. To label these as merely political issues and not also religious ones is a tragic oversight. (See this post by Mark Johnson for a well-researched deep dive into this topic.) Those who claim to follow Jesus should be rising up against such hate. To simply shake their heads as they scroll, to say to one another, “How terrible!” is not enough. A church shows its hand as it responds to these atrocities. Is it more concerned with defending its rights than defending human lives? If a church was more focused on being allowed to meet in person than protecting its at-risk members from a deadly disease, or if it’s consistently angry about abortion but quickly gets over the murder of innocent black people in the street and the women and children dying from a lack of healthcare, then it is missing what Jesus was all about. If we're so sure we're right, why is the thought of questioning our core beliefs so threatening? Where We Are Now If people have left your church, be patient with them. You don’t know their reasons. You don’t know what they’ve suffered. You don’t know what journey they’re on. And while you’re at it, be willing to ask the hard questions yourself, just as they did. You may think that leaving our churches and denominations was the easy choice. That one day we said, “Screw it” and never went back, and it felt so good to throw off the "chains of oppression". But that wasn't the case for some of us. For some of us it was the hardest thing we've ever done. Thankfully, many of us eventually emerge from those shadows. Some find more authentic churches. Some give up Christianity altogether. Where are we now? We're slowly learning to live new lives of love and peace and true justice. And even though the process of healing is more painful and lasts longer than we would have hoped, we've found that this authentic life is much more rewarding than the alternative. Are you a Millennial or Gen Zer that left your church? Comment your reasons below! Please keep comments appropriate or they will be removed—No specific people or church names, no threats, no abusive speech. Thank you! This authentic life is much more rewarding than the alternative. Interview with Angela Scoggins RN, BSN, CWOCN Q: How might the recent Supreme Court ruling affect you and your colleagues as healthcare workers? A: This will depend on what area of healthcare we work in, but a friend of mine is a nurse midwife whose patients will certainly be affected by the decision. South Carolina is a conservative state, so it’s possible that even more life saving procedures could be banned. Law changes such as this one put healthcare providers in difficult positions: Do I lose my license or let someone potentially lose their life? As far as how it affects my life as a nurse, I see patients from both high and low socioeconomic backgrounds. The biggest issue for my low income patients is a lack of help in terms of food, medical care, education, and childcare, particularly when it comes to trying to get out of poverty. These people need more help, not less. So the law is now forcing them to have a child but not providing any way to care for that child. If a mother is expected to provide for her child but has no childcare assistance to allow her to go to school or work, what is she supposed to do? Q: Now that Roe v. Wade has been overturned, what types of dangers do you foresee for women with ectopic pregnancies, miscarriages, and other medical complications? A: An ectopic pregnancy is when a fetus begins growth in the Fallopian tube because it failed to implant in the uterus. As soon as the baby grows enough, it will cause the tube to rupture. Unless a surgeon removes the baby or the Fallopian tube, the mother will bleed out and both she and her baby will die. Many women go through this traumatic experience, and up until now it has been considered a life saving procedure to remove the baby from the tube and spare the mother’s life. This procedure is now being questioned for medical necessity in some states, and that’s downright terrifying. This would mean that for a woman to get an emergency surgery to save her life, she would have to cross state lines and hopefully make it before she bleeds out. The idea that this procedure could be considered abortive and will be banned is disgusting to me. Nothing about this is pro life. As far as miscarriages are concerned, it’s unknown whether the medication to force an already deceased baby to be born will be available or banned. Usually women who miscarry can do it at home, but some need a D&C, which requires cleaning out the uterus so the mother isn’t at risk for either a hemorrhage or parts remaining inside. Would this too be considered abortive, despite it being a medical necessity? I’m not sure. Q: How could overturning Roe v. Wade negatively impact medical services such as birth control and IVF? A: This one terrifies me. There was already discussion after the decision was made on Friday to try to ban some contraceptives and procedures that seem “abortive.” I’m a woman with endometriosis and a long fertility journey ahead, and I’m at a high risk for ectopic pregnancies since one of my tubes is blocked. So I may not be able to have children. And if I do, will it be safe? I would have to travel to another state to get a life saving procedure, despite the baby not having any chance of ever living. I’d be at risk for bleeding out before reaching medical help, something that I never thought I’d have to fear in 2022 when medicine is so advanced. As far as IVF goes, I see it being banned due to the nature of how it’s performed. If life begins at conception, as many pro-life supporters believe, then IVF is abortive. I guarantee rich, conservative, white women will still manage to get it even if it’s banned. Nothing about this is pro life. Q: There is widespread concern now about personal privacy for women in the doctor’s office, on web searches, and in period tracking apps. The belief is that the government may try to track these records to find women who have gotten abortions. Is this concern well founded? A: Yes, the government should not have the right to look into someone’s personal medical records or the apps they keep on their phones in order to criminalize them. Medical rights have long been protected; in fact, the HIPAA laws are in place for that very reason. You as a patient are to have complete protection of your medical records, which will only be shared with your direct medical team. The government has no right to access that information and then criminalize people based on their findings. Even Apple has refused to allow the FBI to see private messages or information on users unless they had a cause and a court order. If our personal, private lives are up for scrutiny, no one is safe. The government would be able to do whatever they wanted with our information. This is a violation of our rights in such a blatant way that it’s shocking so many don’t see it and protest with everything they’ve got. Q: How will overturning Roe v. Wade affect BIPOC/communities in poverty/people with disabilities? A: Goodness, this is my biggest worry. Many of my patients can’t afford basic physical needs for them or their children. Many are in food deserts, lack good education (for example, minimal to no sex education), and have abysmal medical care. So our government now says that if a woman in this environment accidentally gets pregnant, it’s going to force her to keep the baby when she has no way of caring for the ones she already has. And the government isn't willing to give her any resources to help her care for the child it is forcing her to have. Not only will the basic needs of the mother and child be a struggle to be met for their whole lives, but if the mom also wants to go to school or work to create a better life for her child, who will care for her child? Q: What steps can we take to stand up for a woman’s right to have proper healthcare? A: Put pressure on local senators. Make calls. Donate. Vote for the people who support women’s rights. Protest loudly. When social injustice issues arise, speak out, vote, and get involved in programs that help the people affected. Q: Is there anything else you’d like to share? A: Yes. As a woman who has at least a 35% chance of an ectopic pregnancy, I never thought I’d see the day when a middle aged, rich, white man would make the decision that could cause my death. I’m disgusted that they thought this was the way to lower abortion rates. Let’s do better at protecting the lives here so that women do not have to make the decision to have an abortion. Food stamps, affordable housing, childcare assistance, quality medical care for maternal patients, family leave, extensive paid maternity leave, free birth control for all, and good quality sex education for all in school. When social injustice issues arise, speak out, vote, and get involved in programs that help the people affected. It makes no difference what my morality is compared to someone else’s: We can all agree we want fewer abortions, but all overturning Wade did was make it impossible for women to have safe abortions. It didn’t stop them. This policy change has opened up a huge opportunity for crime against these women and provided even more ways for those in power to profit off people who are already being exploited. If the government truly cared so much about life, how about they provide ways for women to have a baby and also ways to care for it after it’s born? Follow Angela: Warning: Some images may be considered graphic. Everybody loves a good gory story, so here you go, and you're welcome. It was an otherwise uneventful night in March at 3 a.m. when I crawled up the stairs to my cousin Bethany's room. "Oh good, you're awake." (The one time I'm relieved she has chronic insomnia.) "Um, so, I have itchy spots all over me." After close inspection, and upon hearing a list of my other symptoms, she immediately jumped to action. My thrifty roomie unearthed an impressive amount of vitamins and supplements stored for just such an occasion. (Strange illnesses like to find their way to us.) After I swallowed pills of varying shapes and sizes, we did what any millennial would do in such a circumstance—We googled it. Well, it could have been any number of deadly diseases, we decided, but as it was the weekend and I hadn't budgeted for a trip to the ER (who does that?), we went back to bed. Our past experience gave us confidence in my ability to survive strange encounters with death. Unfortunately, the reaction only got worse, until my entire body was covered in itchy, red bumps (including my mouth and throat). I hung on until Monday when my PCP was able to squeeze me into her schedule. Since I always assume I'm overreacting, I just told the clinic over the phone that I had a "strange rash." The nurse saw me first. I had covered up my whole body except my eyes, because I didn't want people thinking I had some sort of infectious disease like leprosy (although for all we knew at the time, I could have). "Oh!! Oh my!" was her immediate response, as in her horror she completely shed any semblance of professionalism. "Oh my...Well, when you said rash, I wasn't thinking...This is not normal...Ok, I'm going to go get you a steroid injection." And she ran out of the room, leaving Bethany and me to our thoughts. My doctor had a similar reaction, even though she's known for having an even-keeled temperament. She sent me to the lab immediately for a blood draw. Well, right after I got the shot in my butt. The bloodwork revealed a severe drug reaction known as DRESS syndrome, which barrages the internal organs for at least 2 weeks before traces of the allergy show up on the skin. The mortality rate is 1 in 10 but can be as high as 1 in 4 if a family member has had it, too. Turns out, Bethany most likely had it as a child. (We're always copying each other.) How I managed to stay out of the hospital is a slight mystery, although I suspect it had something to do with the number of Covid patients at the time. My doctor told me grimly, "The only reason I'm not sending you to the hospital right now is because you said you're not having trouble breathing. If that happens, or if any of your symptoms get worse, go to the ER immediately." But seriously, who wants to be in a bright, noisy, smelly hospital when you can suffer in your own bed? The next four days were the most miserable I've ever had. No stomach flu or migraine has ever come close to that level of sheer pain and discomfort. Incidentally, I reminded myself of a certain cartoon character:
My body was covered in a rash so itchy I cried every night when I went to bed. My palms and feet burned like I'd touched hot coals. I could barely walk or hold anything. The sores in my mouth and throat were the worst part. It felt like someone had scraped off all the skin in there and shoved a hot fire poker down my throat. It made my experiences with strep throat seem like minor inconveniences by comparison. I just remember thinking, "I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy." Thankfully I have a wonderful room mate who, despite her own chronic health issues, kept me and my dog alive that week. For days I only poured broth down my throat (which was still incredibly painful since I couldn't swallow) and laid on the couch.
Because of the pain in my mouth and throat, Bethany and I didn't even talk to each other. And if you know us, that is perhaps the most unbelievable part of this entire story. Instead I communicated by typing out what I needed on my phone. Long story short: Thanks to some lovely steroids, creams, and a numbing mouthwash that I would still marry to this day, I eventually healed up. The worst part for Bethany? "When you were sick, I couldn't feel you thinking at all." "That's because I wasn't." "I know...It was terrifying." Dedicated to Connor McKnight, who shows this fallen angel every day what true love feels like.
Come meet a fallen angel With jaded, broken wings– They called me hypercritical, But I could see our strings. I tired of cherub dancing, The cords that kept me moving, Demoralized advancing, And puppeteers’ seducing. Despite how hard I tried With desperate devotion, I found myself outside For expressing wrong emotions. Was it coincidental Love found a renegade, Evolved my fundamentals, Broke rules I never made? As one we forged a key To freedom from my pain And slowly learned to see The good in what remained. Surprisingly inclined To ride my highs and lows, Love guards the scars it finds Which gives me space to grow. Love’s kindness is so stable I’m learning what I’m worth– Perhaps this fallen angel Has built heaven here on earth. I was so moved by the brilliance of this movie that I felt compelled to spill my thoughts onto paper. Psychologists have categorized several roles that family members tend to take on in dysfunctional families. Did you notice that the characters in Encanto fall perfectly into these roles? 1. The Abuser: Abuela“The cracks started with you. Bruno left because of you. Luisa’s losing her powers; Isabela’s out of control because of you! I don’t know why you weren’t given a gift, but it is not an excuse for you to hurt this family!” The abuser uses manipulation and other oppressive tactics to control the family members, usually to protect themselves. They may fear loss of power, love, reputation, etc. Experiencing abuse in their own past, while tragic, does not excuse their actions, for if they had reached out for help for their own trauma, they would likely have not become abusers themselves. In Abuela’s case, she is perpetuating generational trauma, as we learn partway through the movie. But (initially) instead of recognizing that she needs help for her own pain, she continues the cycle of abuse by inflicting pain on her own family. 2. The Scapegoat: Mirabel“I will never be good enough for you, will I?” The scapegoat gets unfairly blamed as the brunt of the family’s problems. The scapegoat is only responding to the abuse in their own way, but because they are misunderstood, they are left feeling like the black sheep of the family. No matter what they do, they’ll never be good enough. Since Mirabel doesn't get a gift, she is made to feel less important than the others and gets blamed for most of what goes wrong in the movie. (Hey, if it was prophesied, how is it her fault anyway?) When she tries to help, she is told to step aside because she doesn’t have a gift and always ruins everything. When she warns everyone about the cracks in the house, she is shamed and silenced. Every time Mirabel steps out of line, Abuela gets angry, because she feels her control on the family slipping. 3. The Caretaker (Or Peacemaker/Enabler)Psychologists often combine these characteristics into one role, but I’m still going to divide it into subpoints. I think each of the characters below display different facets of the caretaker role in a helpful way. The caretaker acts as a mediator in the family and is often the confidante of each family member. The Caretaker: Pepa “My baby’s night has to be perfect and it’s not perfect, and people are going to be coming…” Poor Pepa. Being a caretaker can cause a lot of anxiety. I’m glad the movie shows this side of the role. It does feel like walking around with a storm cloud over one’s head. The Caretaker: Julieta “I wish you could see yourself the way I do. You are perfect just like this. You’re just as special as anyone else in this family.” Julieta, as a healer, is a soft spoken, caring individual whose entire identity is to heal and encourage family members. It appears no one except Agustín and Mirabel see much value in her beyond her gift. The Peacemaker: Agustín “We say nothing….No one will know. Just act normal. No one has to know.” The caretaker role often acts as a peacemaker too, because as a confidante to everyone, they see all sides of the story. Unfortunately, we’re getting dangerously close to unintentional enabler territory, because in trying to keep the peace they end up silencing victims of abuse. The Enabler: Dolores *whisper whisper* "...Bruno’s vision." Don’t get me wrong–I like Dolores. I think her gift would be incredibly difficult to bear. Can you imagine knowing everyone’s juicy secrets and having to hold it all in? Talk about pressure, especially when the entire family's and town’s future is at stake. I think the scene that gave her away as the enabler, though, was gossiping at the dinner table. OK, it was a pretty funny scene, but a well-meaning confidante often ends up sharing confidential information that isn't theirs to share, which perpetuates further abuse. 4. The Hero: Luisa“If I could shake the crushing weight of expectations, would that free some room up for joy, or relaxation, or simple pleasure?” The hero is the overly-competent family member–the one everyone looks to as having it all together. This person often bears the weight of the family burdens and feels the pressure to fix everyone’s problems. The caretaker may keep the peace, but it is the hero who slays the dragons. Examples of Luisa's feeling the weight of being the hero:
5. The Golden Child: Isabela“I’m so sick of pretty; I want something true." The Golden Child is the family’s pride and joy. If you listen long enough, it’s easy to pick out the golden child in a dysfunctional family, because someone will probably end up bragging about this one (and they likely won't get along well with the scapegoat). While you might have found yourself rolling your eyes at Isabela (I know I did–she was a bitch to Mirabel), it’s not easy being the golden child. They have to live up to the expectation of being perfect all the time to keep their family happy–which is both unfair and impossible–and they never get the luxury of letting loose and doing whatever they want. Examples of Isabela's feeling the weight of being the golden child:
6. The Clown/MascotCamilo “What? We don’t have a house. I can’t say we don’t have a house? What is that? Not a house.” Camilo often uses his gift of copy/transformation to make fun of and tease his family members, although we also see him use it to help others, too. I can’t imagine the pain this teenage boy must be enduring on the inside beneath all the silliness. Félix “I don’t sound like that!” I mean, come on. Félix always has a smile on his face, and that has to be hard to maintain after marrying into this wild family, especially when he doesn’t have a gift himself. 7. The Lost Child: Antonio“What if it doesn’t work?" The lost child copes with toxicity by choosing solitude. They often find that it’s easier to be alone than with the family, so they learn to value loneliness over the noise and drama. We first meet Antonio on his special day hiding under the bed. Instead of enjoying the excitement of a town event being all about him, he would rather be alone (or with Mirabel, the scapegoat). Once the family feels the relief of knowing he gets a gift, most of them seem to forget all about him for the rest of the movie. 8. The Identified Patient: Bruno“My gift wasn’t helping the family, but I love my family, ya know?” The identified patient is the person the family hides away out of shame due to mental illness, addiction, or another reason. Despite this great secret, often the family makes all their decisions with this person in mind–perhaps to avoid a repeat of a previous tragedy, to keep the secret from ever getting out, or to live in complete denial. The only problem with Bruno was that the family and townsfolk didn't want his gift because it made them feel vulnerable. He spoke the truth, and they didn't like it. We can sum up Bruno’s sad fate as the identified patient with the title of the hit song “We Don’t Talk About Bruno”. THE RESOLUTION |